Ten Important Questions You Should Ask a Potential Partner

Find out crucial information about someone before you get serious with them.

When entering a new relationship, it’s important to ask the right questions to ensure compatibility and build a strong foundation. Asking thoughtful, open-ended questions can help you better understand your potential partner’s values, goals, and emotional needs. In this article, we’ll explore ten essential questions that can help you deepen your emotional intimacy and create a lasting connection.

1. What Are Your Long-Term Goals?

Understanding your partner’s long-term goals is crucial for assessing compatibility. Whether it's career aspirations, family planning, or personal development, aligning your goals can help create a harmonious future together. Knowing where you both want to go in life allows you to support each other in achieving those dreams.

2. How Do You Handle Conflict?

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you handle it that matters. Ask your partner about their approach to conflict resolution. Are they open to discussing problems calmly, or do they shut down or get defensive? Knowing how to handle disagreements effectively is essential for a healthy, lasting relationship.

3. What’s Your Love Language?

Understanding each other’s love language—whether it’s physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, or gifts—can improve emotional intimacy and communication. Ask your partner how they prefer to give and receive love, so you can build a stronger emotional connection.

4. What Are Your Deal Breakers?

Discussing deal breakers early on can help avoid misunderstandings later. Whether it’s differing values, lifestyle choices, or expectations about family, knowing what’s non-negotiable for your partner can prevent unnecessary friction in the future.

5. How Do You Feel About Family?

Family dynamics play a major role in any relationship. Ask your partner about their relationship with their family members, and how they envision blending families in the future. This can provide insight into their values and how they prioritize relationships.

6. What’s Your Favorite Childhood Memory?

Exploring your partner’s favorite childhood memories can give you a deeper understanding of their background and emotional upbringing. It also helps to strengthen emotional intimacy by sharing personal stories that reveal vulnerability.

7. How Do You Show Affection?

Physical touch and acts of service are common ways people show affection, but not everyone expresses love the same way. Understanding how your partner expresses affection—whether through physical touch, kind gestures, or spending quality time—can help you both feel more comfortable and connected.

8. What’s on Your Bucket List?

Talking about your bucket list—both the big dreams and smaller adventures—helps you understand your partner’s ambitions and what they enjoy. Whether it’s traveling to specific destinations or trying new activities, shared goals can build excitement and bonding.

9. How Do You Prioritize Self-Care?

Personal development and self-care are essential for a healthy relationship. Ask your partner how they take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Their approach to self-care can reveal how they manage stress, emotions, and overall mental health.

10. What Are Your Thoughts on Date Nights and Intimacy?

Maintaining a strong emotional connection and physical intimacy is crucial for a lasting relationship. Discuss how often you both value spending quality time together, whether through date nights, weekend trips, or simple daily moments of connection.

Why These Questions Matter

Asking these questions is more than just a way to get to know someone better—it’s about laying the groundwork for a relationship that is built on trust, respect, and shared values. Open communication about long-term goals, love languages, and personal boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and help you navigate potential challenges.

If you’re struggling with relationship concerns or need support navigating emotional intimacy, therapy can be an excellent tool for enhancing your connection. Dr. Randi Gunther has over four decades of experience helping individuals and couples build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. By understanding each other’s needs and learning to communicate effectively, you can cultivate a deeper emotional bond.

Dr. Gunther’s approach to therapy is rooted in understanding emotional dynamics, offering personalized guidance to help you set healthy boundaries and navigate complex relationship challenges. If you’d like help exploring relationship dynamics or enhancing emotional intimacy, schedule a consultation with Dr. Gunther today here.