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  • Randi Gunther, Ph.D

8 Rules That Turn Rehashing Into Resolution

Rehashing will never resolve any conflict.


  • Many couples wind up having the same fights over and over again because they haven't learned how to deal with conflict productively.

  • When this happens, the partners are rehashing their differences instead of looking for ways to improve the relationship.

  • Following a few guidelines for arguing productively that consider both partners' needs, wants, and underlying motives can improve toxic dynamics.


divorce but still living together
Divorce but still living together?


Every couple fights. And they should. Disharmony allows grievances to be aired. And because all relationships change over time, both partners must be willing to hear the other's disappointments and new requests in order to keep their relationship healthy.


Sadly, though, most fights do not result in resolution. They are more often repetitive and unproductive. Once most disputes begin, the issues brought up only serve to create more animosity and disillusionment. Each partner, trying to get what he or she needs, ends up hurting or being hurt and suppressing those feelings until the next battle emerges.



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