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  • Randi Gunther, Ph.D

Don’t Let My Anger Drive You Away

A destructive relationship pattern in which pain becomes rage.


KEY POINTS

  • Partners who lash out in anger in relationships may do so as a last attempt to be heard.

  • The angry partner often feels devalued and erased, desperately wanting to be "claimed."

  • Partners of "angry battlers" are likely inhibited emotionally and conflict-averse.

  • Fixing this downward spiral requires attraction and a willingness to do the work.


divorce but still living together
Don’t Let My Anger Drive You Away


Are you a person who lashes out in anger when you’re hurt? Does your partner recoil from your behaviors when you most need him or her to fight for you? Do you feel hopeless and unseen, desperately wanting to be rescued in the midst of your attacking behavior? Does your partner ever understand what has driven you to that point, or own up to his or her part in that outcome?


If you’ve found yourself repeating these no-win interactions, you can change your own behavior. But you can’t do it alone. You must have a partner who acknowledges the fact that your reaction doesn’t take place in a vacuum, and is willing to do whatever is necessary on his or her end to turn things around.



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