Randi's Philosophy

My Counseling Philosophy

My counseling office is a laboratory of love and loss. Over the past forty years, I have been fortunate enough to be part of the lives of hundreds of couples. They come from all walks of life, many cultures, different sexual orientations, and of a wide range of ages. They have entrusted me with their deepest secrets, their greatest joys, and their most agonizing failures. From them I have learned how love works and how committed couples keep their love alive.

Intimacy has many components, but the most important is a sense of treasured belonging. Given that acceptance and inclusion, the partners in a committed relationship can create a space of security and continued connection. New lovers continually rediscover each other through self-revelation and mutual vulnerability. No request is beyond reach, no sacrifice too difficult.

As relationships mature, the partners tend to forget those early commitments and return to unproductive old patterns. They fail to remember that each hour with a lover must be welcomed and their emotional garden continuously maintained. Their initial psychological state of good will and forgiveness diminishes under the weight of practical priorities, and they begin to take those blessings for granted.

Because every couple I've ever dealt with deeply loved each other once, they already know what they should be doing to keep that love alive. Successful couples' counseling is a sacred search for those earlier moments and how they fell away. They need the guidance to let go of the heartbreak they both have caused and to fall in love again.

That is what I do.